Thursday, 5 May 2011

My Big Fat Royal Gypsy Wedding On Ice

What a lovely week it’s been for national pride, it certainly is a week of feel good Britain. Who could ever forget the wedding of the century; who would of thought that so many Gypies, sorry I have just realized that’s not very politically correct anymore, who would have thought that so many thieving bastards that’ll strip your lead off your roof before you’ve had chance to blow your nose could fit into such a small space?

I was very impressed with Channel 4’s ability to link up Gypsy Wedding to the ceremony of our future King and Queen by inserting the word ‘Royal’ into the title; they had us all fooled.  I for one was certain that the nomadic Romanian decent people had their own monarchy. I was even more convinced that Princess Beatrice was their current monarch.

The one connection that the two weddings had was the appalling outfits. Poor Beatrice had no idea that morning, as she got dressed in the dark, that by the afternoon she’d be the subject of mockery around the world. One can only hope at the next royal event she’s thrown in the tower of London to prevent her making any more appalling crimes against fashion.

Of course who could forget Pipa Middleton’s very public example of how to upstage the bride on her wedding day. All one needs is enough money to buy an Alexandra McQueen dress and a cheeky admiring glimpse from the 3rd inline to the thrown, easily done. I for one am still trying to figure out how the Middleton’s managed to afford the wedding, after all, let’s not forget that Kate is a ‘commoner.’ She can often be found going through the drive through of her local McDonalds wearing her finest Primark in her 1996 Ford Fiesta.

It was nice to see the family out in force; even the queen had made a special effort in her canary yellow outfit, designed eloquently by TenaLady. There were many queens pissing themselves up and down Canal St when our Liz stepped out of her bungalow. One can only hope that her outfit had a built in toilet duck.

It would appear that on the day Toni&Guy were already fully booked and just couldn’t fit any more people into their London salon, leaving poor Harry to run to Superdrug for some wet-look gel. Rumor has it he got a bulk buy, well 2 for 75p. He was going to give one to William but thought better of it, instead Harry gave Will a bic razor. Will obviously confused about how to use it, and not being able to find instructions just shaved a circle hole on the back of his head. Palace officials have now confirmed he is considering a comb-over.

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