Wednesday, 26 January 2011

Married Mondays

I was introduced to this term not so long ago. If like me you don’t have a clue what it means I’ll tell you. It is the day of the week that the cattle market for cock, otherwise known as Gaydar, is full of married men who are desperate for little man on man ass play after being stuck with their wives all weekend.

The friend who informed me of this was shell shocked that I wasn’t interested in having any hands near me that had been knuckle deep in lady bits the day before.  For him bagging a straight man was the pinnacle of his sexual fantasies, to me it would make my cock go limper quicker than a straight man flicking through a wank mag to find Vanessa Feltz was the center spread.

However, he is obviously not the only one who finds sex with a straight man a turn on. It is no secret to you, my lovely readers, that I’ve been stuck down on an army base for the last 4 months surrounded by some very hot squaddies in the Falkland and Ascension Islands. To me they are just objects that are very nice to look at, but to some of my fellow gay crewmembers they are the forbidden fruit, the object of all their desire.

Maybe I am the odd one out, you see I always knew I was gay from an early age and I never experimented with a woman. I had no need to, besides I’m hardly straight acting and I’m yet to find a woman who thinks my knowledge of STEPS dance routines are alluring. Although for the record I do a lovely rendition of ‘One For Sorrow.’ In fact I didn’t see a ladies’ ‘starfish’ until I was 22; I was down in Cape Town with work playing a game of truth or dare. I can honestly say the experience scared me for life. I had no idea that women had to pack a full hanging basket into their nickers.

I also found it disgusting after having that conversation with my ex boyfriends, all 29 of them, to find out they have slept with a women. It just makes me feel physically sick, I fail to see them in the same light as myself as a thoroughbred gay. This my friends is why I just can’t find a straight man alluring, knowing they have……*vomits at the thought*

It also can’t just be me who thinks that a man can’t call himself ‘straight’ if they are sleeping with another man. I think the terms liar, cheater and bastard would suit them more, I’m sure their wives would agree with me on that one. I’m sorry to ruin your fantasy boys but one of my good gay male friends was married and has two kids. He too cheated on his wife with a man. I wonder if that man thought it was a turn on to sleep with a ‘straight man.’ If only he could see my friend now who has swapped his lager for gin and tonic, his career as a landlord for a career as a trolley dolly and love for his wife into the love of cock.

Ladies and gays, I rest my case.

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