Thursday, 8 July 2010

Who Is She?

Now it’s not unusual, as you all know, for me to make a complete and utter twat out of myself when under the influence of drinksnsnax; if there was an Oscar for the ‘Biggest Tit in the World’ I would win it year after year with no exceptions. I’m sure that if I tried to sue Jack Daniels for my bad judgement after two glasses of their delicious liquor that no judge in the land would find them not guilty.
It was a lovely recent little Saturday evening that I found myself once again acting disgraceful. As some of you may know the lovely Nicksy of Gaydio has been a wave of support for Handbagsnbotox, and the delicious Northern DJ has mentioned my blogs on air a few times whilst succumbing to my demands to play Angie Brown at regular intervals.

You can imagine my sheer delight when as intoxicated as I was I spotted Nicksy in Cruz101. Marching straight over to him I introduced myself, only he said he had no idea who I was. Obviously I knew he was lying, so after a few ‘fuck of Nicksy I know it’s you stop being a cunt’ later, my new gentleman friend took out his ID to show me his real name.

This is the moment that most normal people would have taken a step back and realised that this man called Andy was telling the truth, he wasn’t my favourite DJ, however, it only spurred me on. You see I was convinced that I was now in the presence of a real diva; that Andy was his real name and Nicksy was his showbiz name. Well all the greats have them, Lily Savage, Cilla Black.

After pleading for an autograph and continually telling him I used to love waking up with him in the mornings, on the radio that is, he realised the only way to shut me up was to ply me with Sambucca. Several dances to some old gay tunes later and my Nicksy doppelganger kissed me. I was flabbergasted and disgusted knowing that the real Nicksy was married, fearing a front page scandal on the Anglers Times I quickly pulled away. Asking my Nicksy about his marriage he said he was now divorced but had three kids; I couldn’t tell you who was more shocked, me for hearing about the kids or him as I knew he was married.

It wasn’t to matter for long anyway as he soon disappeared. The following day I received a few text messages from a guy called Andy and I wont lie, it did take me a while to realise it wasn't the real Nicksy, the real Nicksy was in fact 2000 miles away oblivious to the previous nights fuck up. However me and Andy did carry on chatting and he seems like a lovely bloke. In fact we've been chatting for a few weeks now and are off on our first date on Saturday, so as chat up lines go I don't think mistaking someone for a radio personality is a bad idea.

Just for the record I’d like to apologise to Nicksy’s husband Danny for nearly causing an online domestic via Twitter. I promise I will never try to make a move on anyone I think may be your husband ever again. As for Nicksy, we will ever meet………

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