Friday, 2 April 2010

Confessions Of My Teenage Crush, Part Two.


Back at college I’d started to feel even more uncomfortable, instead of fitting in and just being one in the crowed my new status of being an at ease homosexual meant that I was now given every camp part that was going in my Drama diploma. It infuriated me that I couldn’t play a normal part. Looking back on it now it’s no wonder I didn’t get to play Romeo in my newly acquired gay uniform.

One of my last projects at college was to be in a play directed by one of the second years. As the casts were decided fate must have been looking down on me that day as I was put into a cast that was to be directed by M. I’d noticed M before and had spoken to him very briefly. I was in ore of him. This was an actual living and breathing gay man who seemed to have no problem at all fitting in the world, popular and breathtakingly stunning. I followed M around like a lap dog and he was soon to be my teenage crush.

M had a sense of style that I’d never seen before. Unlike me who didn’t have a clue about style at the time it seemed to ooze out of his every pore. M’s chosen directorial piece was Hushabye Mountain by Jonathan Harvey. I quite simply loved it. I had no idea at the time that there were plays written by gays for gays, real drama, not just soft porn, which I had still yet to discover. I immediately went out and bought everything I could that had Jonathan Harvey’s name attached to it, partly because I loved Hushabye Mountain and wanted to see what other delights he had written, but more importantly so I could talk to M and impress him with my new found knowledge of Gay Literature, which up until then started and stopped at a monthly copy of Attitude.

M was the first person I had befriended after coming out which is why to me our friendship was so important, he was also my first gay friend. He seemed to have real knowledge of the world and I would hang on his every sentence, soaking up all the knowledge he had to offer me. As rehearsals got on the way it soon became big news in my year that there was to be a gay kiss in our play, perhaps what was even bigger news is that it was between me, queen of the year and a poor unsuspecting sweet straight lad who was so uncomfortable with it but was to polite to say. We discussed how we could do the kiss tastefully, when all I was thinking about was how much I wanted to pounce on M and practice some distasteful kissing of my own.

To add to M’s profile he also had beautiful and witty friends. They all seemed to speak in a code language to each other which only made me admire him more. I’m sure it wasn’t their own language but their wit and intelligence was no match for the lack of my own. Even still M and all his friends were nice to me, me the fat faggot had beautiful friends, which made my heart melt for him even more.

I was even invited over to his house for drinksnsnax which for me was like being handed a golden ticket to go to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. I can’t really remember the night I went to M’s other than that I thought his student digs were amazing and cool, but then again he could have lived in a kennel and I would have thought it was one up from Buckingham Palace. All I remember from that night was that I took a bottle of Taboo and drank most of it and fell asleep wishing that M would turn over and plant the kiss of my life on my lips. He never did.


Part Three tomorrow......

3 comments:

birgittadesigns... said...

OMG how many of us have felt like that, you've reminded me of many a teenage crush....wonderfully written hun xxb

melanie said...

Loving the blog,hun! Keept it up! Xx

Lorna Byrne said...

Think we can all identify with feeling like that about someone - loved reading it. Thanks for posting x