Monday, 22 February 2010
I use to love waking up with Fern Britton on a weekday morning, didn’t you? Her big bust and larger than life personality, well before she looked like a deflated beach ball after her gastric band, would light up the screen, and quite often I found myself laughing along with her and Phil. How times have changed.
Unfortunately Fern left, supposedly after finding out that Phil was earning twice as much as her, which is a piss take as Fern is worth her pre gastric band weight in gold. In stepped Holly and it has to be said things just haven’t been the same since. There seems to be as much spark and electricity between Phil and Holly as a black out. So ITV decided to place a skinny young thing on morning TV, which is fair enough, it is their choice, but I’ve dipped bigger things with more personality in my tea. I can’t help but think the more rounded Alison Hammond would have been much better all round. Who can resist her gorgeousness, she oozes with natural charm, fun and delight.
I’m beginning to think that This Morning quite likes recruiting talentless tits to host our morning viewing. I can almost hear the outcry from what I’m about to say, but Britain’s most loveable divorcée and all round sap, Mr Peter Andre, is now their showbiz correspondence. I’m not denying he’s a nice guy, but really, being famous for spending a stint in the jungle and marrying the UK’s most wanted, in a death not popular way, glamour model is hardly grounds for being famous is it? I know God loves a tryer, but please Peter, sell your microphone for fucks sake.
Well actually come to think of it, it seems you could be made famous for farting in this country, well I’m positive that’s how This Morning’s, ahem, fashion expert, Jason Gardener became famous. Now was it just me who watched him presenting a fashion piece on Bras a few weeks ago and thought if ever there was a man who’s not been near a bra in his life it’s him? Not only that but how can a man who has as much fashion sense as Margaret Thatcher host a fashion segment?
Oh how I love Friday mornings when the delightful Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford grace us with their presence. His Irish charm is like a river dance to my soul. I do love waking up to the lovely Eamonn on Sunrise Sky News in the morning. Now I did nearly fall out with him when he popped over to Egypt last week and left me with a news reader I’m unacquainted with, but all is forgiven now he’s back, he’s been warned not to holiday again.
All that’s left for me to say is; ITV please bring back our Fern, our national treasure, or at least replace her with someone who can fill her shoes and her dresses, give us Alison Hammond.