Thursday, 14 January 2010
Adopt A Gay...
Adopt A Gay For Just £10 A Day
My wings have been clipped, and for now, my high flying career as a trolley dolly is grounded.
My contract ended on the 29th of December and once again I’m officially jobless, which beckons the question just what to do next? I could use this opportunity to finally make my dad proud by following in his footsteps and train to be a plumber.
Now I like my hand up a u-bend as any other man but there are two reasons I won't be pursuing said career. Firstly, I’d do anything to piss off the miserable man and secondly there is no way I’d let these finely manicured nails get chipped whilst trying to unblock someone's toilet. I was thinking about a complete change in direction, joining the navy came to mind, I’d love to be surrounded by…well… seamen. But apparently there isn’t any need for a personal shopper onboard an aircraft carrier.
I have been inspired by charity advertisements. You know the ones I mean: just £2 a month can feed this family in Africa for a year or just £3 a month will ensure this dog gets walked twice a day and go on rock climbing holidays in the Highlands at least once a year. Well, I’m now two minutes away from phoning Elton John and asking him to front an advert campaign to adopt a gay.
I think I have a strong case for charity. Just who is going to keep me in the lifestyle I’m accustomed to? I think £10 a day seems like a reasonable amount to ask for. After all, I have a gym membership to pay for, a personal trainer, a Toni & Guy haircut at least once a month, not to mention my nights out, car maintenance, insurance, my addiction to AussieBum underwear and a Hawaiian spray tan once a week.
For the £10 a month the sponsor will be safe in the knowledge that they can phone their fabulous puff for fashion tips any time they want and as a bonus will receive a signed photograph when their adopted gay has reached his target weight with the assistance of his personal trainer. Sponsors can also be safe in the knowledge that they have prevented a gay from-- gasp-- becoming overweight or even worse, becoming a plumber.
So I ask you. Please give just £10 a month or whatever you can, and help a puff in their hour of need and give them a chance to go clubbing this weekend.