Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Last Orders

I admit I'm a self confessed binge drinker who deos not know when to stop until I fall down. I can not begin to tell you how many times I've had trouble trying to piece together the night before.

It's quite common for me to have text messages the following day from people I have given my number to, insisting that they bring their friends to stay at mine the following weekend for drinks and snacks, hence my mobile number changing so many times.

Like me I'm guessing you've uttered those famous words 'I'm never drinking again,' only to do it all again the following weekend. I've even heard shocking stories that people go out and have one night stands and regret it the following morning, this has never happened to me, I'm grateful for what I get.

I know I'm not the only one who has promised to detox and never followed the idea through, however, I am now one week into an alcohol free detox and I can now tell you why we never go through with our idea of a healthy lifestyle; because it's shit, mind numbingly boring and there is nothing to talk about the next day.

I muyst admit the detox is not by choice, it has been forced upon me by the goverment of Jeddah's decision to run a dry state. Maybe they should sample a Jack Daniels or two, maybe then be more forgiving to the man who stole a pack of Durex instead of chopping his hands off, maybe even if they had three or four they'd give him a blow job and pay for his taxi home.

Seven days is the longest I've gone without alcohol since I was 18, I've already checked the alcohol volume on my Jean Paul Gautier and sent my room mate out for shot glasses. I can not tell you how much I long to go out and spend money I haven't got on over priced Vodka and Redbull and wake up the following day in a pool of my own vomit.

The rest of the crew have even started to make stories up about me as they have nothing else to talk about. So far this week I've given head to a camel, shagged a desert rat and been gang raped by a family of Geckos. I think that sort of slander is much more dangerous than getting drunk and pissing into previously mentioned turban, don't you?

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