Thursday, 15 October 2009

An Over Thought Romance


So what do you do if you're a single gay man looking for love? Well i've no idea either, thats why I'm asking, however, just recently I've been trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong, so I've put down my re-occuring phases of each man I seem to meet to give you a little insight into the world of a compulsive over thinker.......

Phase One.
"Can I have a marriage proposal, a house in the country and a Labrador with that kiss? By the way my names Michael."
So if the fella you just snogged three minutes previous is still sticking around after the last question your next trail of thought begins; Does he really like me? Why hasn't he ran off screaming "POSSESSIVE?" Next though: Couldn't possibly be that as ut wiykd have been a natural reaction to run for the hills, therefor he must be the freak. Step back and move on.

Phase Two.
You swapped numbers and he's texted you all morning but there's a sudden stop, now despite his last text reading 'Just about to go to work. Speak L8er,' you get yourself in a flap. Automatically the thoughts begin, who will he chat to at work? Will he meet anyone on the way there (even though he's took that same route for the past five years and its never happened before)? Four hours have passed and he's not texted you, and you figure he must have had a break by now.

Phase Three.
Your phone is now switched off as you've annoyed yourself for looking at it every thirty seconds. Telling yourself you'll keep itoff for the next five hours as you're sure you'll be greated with a message by then when you turn it back on. However, you only last ten minutes before typing the pincode into your phone and being greated by a slap of dissapointment.

Phase Four.
You met up for dinner last night and he stayed over, conversation flowed and so did the wine. You tell him you like him and he says it back. He left five minutes ago and you're now wondering if it's to early to tell if he loves you.

Phase Five.
You go for a few drinks but you're getting paranoid as he's been texting someone all night. Positive it must be somebody else he's seeing you're about to put and end to your 246 hour relationship, not that you've been counting, only then he tells you he has to go as his mother's dog was run over last week and died but she has been spotted trying to take its colar for a walk. You then spent the rest of the evening thinking how horribnle you have been before trying to decide if he was genuine or just a bloody good excuse to leave.

Phase Six.
All is going well, you've been together 389 hours but you know you can't control your paranoia much longer as it's Saturday afternoon and he's just phoned you to tell you he's food shopping in a leading brand suppermaket, though you think he's not alone despite knowing full well the voice you have just heard in the background is an annoucement for buy on get one free on oven chips. You delete his number from your phone.

Phase Seven.
You've found an old text message from him and his phone number is now restored, but you can not help your possessive streak and 539 hours after you first met you decide you should just be friends and so you call itoff with him, when really you were just starting to like him, but you'd rather him not know you're a paranoid obsessed freak.

Phase Eight.
"Can I have a marriage proposal, a house in the country and a Labrodor with that Kiss?"

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