Friday, 30 October 2009

Gay Guide To Surviving Brake-Ups

Well I just can’t seem to get it right. Let me explain. After being single for nearly three years (the nine month holiday romance in Cyprus doesn’t count) I’ve just messed up yet another relationship, 18 months to be exact. Which leaves me asking myself where exactly do I go wrong?

When starting a new relationship I normally jump in feet first, rush everything (hence the reason I’ve been single for so long, if ever there was an award for being clingy I would win the Oscar), this time I can honestly say I took things a little slower. However one little thing came in my way, the dreaded EX. And I don’t mean his.

Ok so I didn’t cheat on him, I didn’t even meet up with him, but I did carry him. Instead of taking this fresh relationship on a crisp clean ikea sheet, I started to play the games my ex used to play with me. I ignored the texts sent to me all day, I tried to play cool, but instead was simply nasty. I even finished with him and walked out his house just to see what his reaction would be, he looked pure miserable and had tears in his eyes. Perfect. Two minutes later I had him in my car and took him out for the day. Believe it or not, I’m not a nasty person, it was my way of protecting myself. I even considered sleeping with someone else just encase he was doing it to me. Simply because this had been done to me in the past. However, my game playing backfired, he dumped me. Awwww I hear you cry. My big mistake to not to start afresh with a new person, and to pre-judge. So for this I am sorry.

Then came a new dilemma, just exactly how do you wash that man right out of your hair? However short or long term there’s no doubt it can leave you feeling sick to your stomach and a little lonely. But do not fear, with my experience I should have a degree in post brake up blues. Here are a few of my favourite things to make me feel better.

5. The best way to get over one man is to get under the next. In my case I tend to go for two, Benny and Jerry. It’s surprising what a litre of chocolate fudge heaven can do for you.

4. If he’s in the wrong don’t get mad get even. Get his Kylie collection and snap up those C.D’s. You’ll soon feel better, although I must warn you, criminal damage charges could be heading your way.

3. Surround yourself with friends. These are the people you use to go for drinks with before you got into a relationship. They’re generally quite happy to see you, hoping that you’re that little bit more bitter. Beware of the phrase ‘I told you so.’

2. Go for a walk, straight to Blossom Hill. Nothing better than having that Bridget Jones moment, play Celine Deon for full affect. A good old cry will make you feel better in the morning. I feel I must warn you to delete his number before the beginning of this night to save the embarrassment of noticing you sent begging and desperate text messages the night before.

1. You’re likely to kill me now. Yes it’s exactly what your mother said, but I’m afraid it’s true. Give yourself some time. If need be do all of the above, you’ll soon start to feel better. And failing that, there’s always Gaydar for your next victim.

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